The Summer of the Black Hare- scene six

Posted on: November 11th, 2014

I picked up the gin bottle but then put it back down. The evening breeze was gentle off of the water and my haven welcomed me back. The gardener was still working hard and I wanted him to go but I needed him so I shut my mouth and walked down the crumpling steps to the water’s edge. I had lost track of the tides while away. I didn’t know if it was coming or going.

Note: this is a rough draft written for NaNoWriMo in 2011…it is warts and all -cliches, misspellings, repetitions, cliches…

“Just off now, Kerry. Will I see you next week?” The gardener leaned over the wall.

“No idea.” I smiled at him.

“Same as always then. One of these days you had better think about settling down here in Cornwall. Forget that silly American nonsense. You’re one of us.” He waved and disappeared.

Was I one of them? I was not. Half of me may have been genetically Cornish and I certainly felt more at home here than anywhere else in the world but I belonged nowhere. I carried four passports from two different countries and they were all legitimate although they bore slightly different names. On a beautiful calm evening like now, I wondered who I really was? Kerry? Karen? Kerensa? Or Kay? Which me belonged where or anywhere? I felt like a spy but i wasn’t although I had considered it as a career and I know I had been considered for my language skills alone. But I didn’t want to save the world or even country I wanted to save women. So after my undergraduate degree I studied at Cambridge and this is where Karen Smith emerged. I left behind the Kay Smith of my college and school years. Only with my family was I Kerensa Mariam Trevellyn-Smith and none of my passports carried that name. They were the only people I could trust with all the parts of me and even then I sometimes wondered if this was wise. However my mother had named me so I couldn’t take that away from her.

I looked across the creek at St Anthony church. It appeared so sure of itself just far enough from the water’s edge to avoid flooding yet close enough to almost be a part of the sea. Boats filled the foreshore getting ready for summer. I looked to the sky, another night to the Midsummer’s night.

Picking up a stone I skimmed it across the mirror surface of the water. Seven skips before it sank. I wondered how many bounces would I have before the gravity would pull me down. I turned and climbed back up to my garden. The black hair was waiting. His glance never left as I approached. I longed to know who left their pet loose in the evenings. I knew it must be a pet for it was not frightened of me and I had never seen a black hare in the wild. I looked up the hillside at the other houses and tried to decide which one would be its home but many like mine were not lived in full time.

I skirted around the animal. That chill of dread remained with me whenever I saw the hare. It watched me with eyes that didn’t blink or falter. I couldn’t decide their intent. No emotion reflected off the black pupils. Yet I felt it knew me. I am open to most things in my life. Experience has taught me to never dismiss anything but I couldn’t accept that this hare knew me and knew me well. I walked closer to it and it dropped one ear and as I stepped closer still it disappeared before my eyes. I was sober. I had been sober since the memorial service. My survival depended on all my senses and I felt threatened. I had posted an automated out of contact reply to my Karen Smith email using a VPN tunnel with an IP address in India. I went into a dodgy internet cafe off of the Edgeware Road. Instinct told me that the sexy man was a clever adversary.

I touched my hair. It was brittle. It hadn’t enjoyed being stripped of its colour then died back. However because of its short length now it would recover. I ran my fingers through and walked to the exact spot where the hare had been. Nothing. The grass was not even bent. Hallucinations. I needed to talk to Jowan. I checked my watch to see if I could work out what part of the hours he was in but gave up. I walked to the end of the drive where I could get a signal and sent a text.

Am losing my mind. Noting new but am seeing things. This is new. Call. K x

I didn’t know he would receive it or even if. I knew or understood so little of the life he had chosen but I did know that he would understand me. He always had for we are twins.

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